About Me

I’m 30 years old and I’ve spent the last ten years of my life suffering from a mental illness. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when I was 18. I have also been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and PTSD. I also suffer from Depersonalization.

I have tried to make a life for myself but it has been extremely difficult.
I have always had problems but after several recent events, my depression has been more debilitating than usual for over six months now. I haven’t been living..I am just existing.

As of right now.. my life is a disaster. Every area of my life needs major work. I need to..loose weight, learn to keep my apartment clean, get my finances in order, get back into school, and start drawing again.

I just finishing transitioning over to new medications. It took at least six months and it has been hell..to say the least. Now I am on Lamictal for Bipolar, Effexor and Wellbutrin for depression, and Buspar for anxiety.

I weigh 250 pounds.. and have absolutely NO self-esteem. No friends..(except my best friend who lives across the country and who I haven’t seen in years) and I haven’t had a boyfriend in over 10 years. I am lonely and miserable and hate myself. But because of my parents, who I love more than anything.. I am not willing to give up.

Right now my days are spent trying to convince myself to get out of bed and make an effort. If it weren’t for my parents, my best friend, and my fandom, I would have lost my mind a long time ago.

This journal will be my place to keep track of my progress, or lack of it, my feelings, and how my life is going.

Right now.. I am hanging on by a thread. I need this journal if I am going to be able to stop myself from loosing it all together.

I love to write and it has always been my way of dealing with my thoughts and feelings. So I will be writing about anything and everything concering my mental health here.

This journal will be public so if you are also suffering from Bipolar Disorder or Depression or can simply relate to what I am saying, feel free to friend me.

I don’t know how much support I can give others right now.. as I can barely keep myself afloat. But I am in desperate need of a place to deal with what my day to day life is like. I need to start facing what my life is like and start trying to deal. I have been avoiding reality

I put some links to the definitions of my major diagnosis’ in the sidebar..and links to some of my favorite sites.. There is a link to my fandom journal and a link to my gallery of my drawings.

I also made a post all about my mental health history, which I linked to, as well as the meaning of “Trippy Sneaker”.